Say When

Ever have someone pour you a drink and tell you to say when? This indicates they’ve poured enough and stops the cup from overflowing.

I find myself wanting to scream “WHEN!!!” at the top of my lungs.

I was always an anxious kid. I was the teen that felt guilty all the time. The young adult that felt trapped. The adult who can’t get herself under control. Always that voice telling me I’ve done everything wrong. That voice that one minute sounds sweet and the next is telling me I’m never going to amount to anything.

A hug and a kiss goodbye and then a message telling me I’m terrible and my future husband will leave me.

Things have changed so much in my life but there’s been a constant. That voice who was thousands of miles away that said they missed me but in the same breath told me I’m getting fat.

That voice that cried wolf if things weren’t going their way. That person who’d try to manipulate me into feeling sorry for them, to apologize to them for things I didn’t even do. Who’d let someone call me a whore. Who would call my phone 20, 30, 40 times just to yell at me cuz I was 23 and it’s past midnight why wasn’t I home. Then I’d be home for a few days in a row and why wasn’t I getting any fresh air?

They bring out the worst in me. They make me angry. I feel things towards them I should not be feeling but that can’t be helped. Because for 33 years I’ve been dragged about and told to straighten my hair because I look like a witch with my hair curly. I was too skinny once then too fat. I lost weight but not enough. They’re so proud of what I’ve achieved but I’m too lazy.

I want to scream “WHEN!!!!!”

But it’s too late. My anger is overflowing.

Metal Monday – Metalheads Love to Love

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That’s right ladies and gents…

As reported in The Mirror and then plastered all over metal news sites, Metalheads are the faithful bunch in the music fandom. This isn’t really shocking to me as many metal fans are loyal fans to the very day they die, and I don’t believe that loyalty ends with their favorite bands.

Of course this is also a generalization, there’s bad seeds in every bunch, but apparently Jazz, Salsa, and Pop fans are way more likely to cheat on their partners.

Maybe it’s because we have a deeper connection to our favorite lyrics and music than say fans of Nicki Minaj have a connection to her lyrics and music. Exhibit A: “Uhnn you want a freaky girl? welcome to nicki world” NO COMMENT.

Some of the best people I know are indeed into Heavy Metal music, and their compassion and their loyalty is a bright beacon of light in this dark dark world.

So go out there and find yourselves a metalhead. You will thank me later. Well actually no, I take no responsibility in other peoples actions. haha

MATG